This Jim Gaffigan skit on homebirth is perfect.
We decided to do a homebirth long before we were expecting. Bob lived with some friends while he did an internship & the wife is a midwife, so he was exposed to it & I was intrigued by it & thought it was the best thing ever not to have to leave home to have a baby (home body much?).
Once we found out we were expecting, we knew immediately that we needed to find a midwife so we called our friend, who had lived where we currently live now & got her suggestions & I talked to a parent at the preschool where I work because I knew she & her family had done/were doing a homebirth. We decided to go with the same midwife as the parent from my work (our friend had mentioned her, but never gotten to work with her).
We went for the consultation visit with Kelly (our midwife), or what to her was the consultation visit. For us, it was a Hi, nice to meet you, you are who we are going to use, where do we sign? visit. She started going through her spill about why homebirth & so on, but quickly realized we were there to use her & not shopping around.
So fast forward to D Day. We woke up about 6, chilled for a bit & about 7:30 the first contraction hit. I didn't think much about it, thinking it was probably just a false alarm, but they kept coming every 3 to 6 minutes. Bob went to work at 8 & I kept having contractions. I decided to use a download a contraction counter on my phone & figured they would stop. They did not, so after an hour & a half, I called Kelly to let her know I thought it was the real deal & got in trouble because I let Bob go to work. (How was I to know it wasn't a false alarm?) So I called Kelly, called Bob, who promptly left in the middle of taking a customer's order (don't worry, someone else took over) & called our doula, the parent from above, Heidi.
Bob got home & Heidi got there shortly afterwards. I was very comfortable on the toilet, letting the contractions roll in & then out. They hard but were not unbearable. Kelly got here about 10:30 (?) & by 11:30 my water had broken & labor really started rocking & rolling. By 12:30, I was fully dilated & I was most definitely in "birth land" as Heidi put it.
I went back & forth between our bed & the toilet. At one point, while on the toilet, Kelly wanted to give me better leverage to push with so she sat on the birth stool she brought & well, she ended up on the floor & no one else realized it for a while. Needless to say, she has one less stool now.
We were talking back & forth, & I don't remember exactly what was said but I called her a brat & everyone died laughing. I also stuck my tongue out at her at one point as well.
I moved to the bed & while on my side at one point nearly kicked Kelly in the face, squarely. She probably would have gotten a broken nose had her reflexes not been so good. (So thankful I did no damage to her!)
I spent a lot of time draped over my exercise ball & in between contractions would semi go to sleep (it is amazing what the body can do!). They kept offering me drinks & I would refuse several times & then would take a "drink" that would pretty much be the entire 16oz glass of water or lemonade (so glad I had gotten lemonade the day before!)
It is also amazing how much your body holds in at a time like that! I drank 4 16oz cups of liquid & did not once go to the bathroom for over 4 hours!
Our girl, Quinnlee Grace, finally decided to enter this world at 5:37pm on June 20th, weighing in at 7 pounds 1 ounce & 19 inches long. She got some extra lovin' from Kelly when she was born as she decided she didn't need to breath & was a little bluish upon arrival. She also decided she didn't need to cry & Kristen (Kelly's assistant) wasn't happy with the girl over this. She kept trying to make her mad & Quinnlee just kept looking at her as if to say "why do you insist that I cry?"
Unless, I medically need to be in a hospital for future pregnancies, I don't think I will ever be able to after this experience! It really was the best experience I have ever had in the medical sense.
P.S. Not sure, if when the time comes for Small Fry #2, that if we are not in this area anymore that I won't come back for Kelly to deliver again. So Kelly, want an uninvited house guest when the time comes? Lol.